


look ahead (just look at what's in front of you)

by notcaycepollard



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Daisy has a lot of feelings about her mom, F/M, Fluff, Grieving, i guess?, mentioned Daisy/Lincoln, minor Star Wars: The Force Awakens spoilers, what a cute date this is when it's totally not a date at all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-03
Updated: 2016-01-03
Packaged: 2018-05-11 09:31:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5622256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notcaycepollard/pseuds/notcaycepollard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hi!" she announces, internally cringes at her own falsely-bright tone, dials it back a notch. "I just... do you want to come to the movies with me?" Coulson's face moves a little like he's forgotten how to respond to normal questions, and Daisy resists the urge to babble, waits for his response.</p><p>"What... what are you going to see?" he asks, and she shoves her hands into the pockets of her jeans, leans nonchalantly against the doorframe.</p><p>"The new Star Wars film," she tells him, "I heard it's really good. Come on, I'll even buy you some popcorn."</p><p>"Yeah," Coulson says. "Okay." He doesn't look particularly excited, or particularly anything, but it's something, at least.</p>
            </blockquote>





	look ahead (just look at what's in front of you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Persiflage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Persiflage/gifts), [BrilliantlyHorrid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BrilliantlyHorrid/gifts).



> minor Star Wars spoilers, nothing major but just FYI!
> 
> (Rey is objectively the best in the entire world and Daisy would just love her too much)

All Daisy wants is to cheer Coulson up a little.

Christmas is a bust, and the team hardly even tries for New Year's. Jemma flies home to Sheffield, and Daisy's honestly not sure when she'll return. Fitz leaves too, goes to Scotland, and Daisy's overheard rumors that he's planning to transfer to the Iliad when his leave is up. Bobbi and Hunter and Mack make an effort, go out and buy a few cases of beer and liquor for the staff still on base, so Daisy rings in the new year with Lincoln and Mack and Joey, rolls her eyes when Bobbi and Hunter predictably slip off early. It's not so bad. It's a little lonely, maybe - Lincoln gives her a midnight kiss, but it's still so new between them, and she's not sure how much she wants it. But Joey's so full of joyful energy to be a part of the team,  _her_ team, and that makes her buoyant, gives her the energy to smile and joke with him and Mack, and even to tangle her fingers with Lincoln's, to sit with it and see how it feels. (It feels  _not quite right_ , and she can't place why, feels it itch against her palm.)

On their way to bed, Daisy still makes an excuse to slip by Coulson's office, but when she sees him sitting in the dark, she hesitates at the doorway, can't even voice the words.  _Happy new year, Coulson_ , she thinks to herself, feels even lonelier, wishes for the millionth time she could change a single thing.

Three days later, she's mulling over it, still, and thinks,  _maybe he just needs to get out of here for a couple hours_.

She knocks at his door before she can chicken out, tries not to mind the way he startles at the noise and stares at her like she's a stranger.

"Hi!" she announces, internally cringes at her own falsely-bright tone, dials it back a notch. "I just... do you want to come to the movies with me?" Coulson's face moves a little like he's forgotten how to respond to normal questions, and Daisy resists the urge to babble, waits for his response.

"What... what are you going to see?" he asks, and she shoves her hands into the pockets of her jeans, leans nonchalantly against the doorframe.

"The new Star Wars film," she tells him, "I heard it's really good."

"Oh," Coulson says, pauses, frowns a little. "But don't you want to go with your b- with Lincoln?" Daisy knows,  _knows_ , Coulson barely stopped himself from referring to Lincoln as her boyfriend. She supposes it's a good sign he's using his first name, at least.

"No," she shrugs, "he's not into it. Said it's for nerds. I mean, he is so wrong, but his loss, right?"

"I suppose so," Coulson agrees, looks down at the file on his desk and blinks a little, and Daisy suppresses a sigh.

"Come on," she says. "I'll even buy you some popcorn."

"Yeah," Coulson says. "Okay." He doesn't look particularly excited, or particularly anything, but it's something, at least.

 

+

 

Coulson doesn't have a new model prosthetic yet, and Daisy suspects he isn't sure whether he'll ever want one, so he passes her the keys to Lola, lets her drive them to the nearest movie theater. She pulls into the parking lot, shivers when she gets out of the car and is glad she's brought her mittens and lilac beanie. He's silent as they buy tickets for the afternoon matinee, raises a skeptical eyebrow when Daisy buys a jumbo bucket of popcorn, a large soda, a bag of M&Ms and a packet of Red Vines.

"Do you really think we need all that?" he asks, and Daisy shrugs. Perhaps her plan to cheer Coulson up with junk food is silly, but she remembers all the times it's worked before. They settle into their seats in the theater, Coulson on her left, and she pulls off her beanie, fluffs out her hair, tries not to overthink how awkward it is that she's on what is essentially a movie date with her boss. That Coulson is her boss is the least of it, she reflects, and turns to junk food to stop herself from dwelling any further. She eats a handful of popcorn, sighs in happiness at the fake-butter flavoring, offers it to Coulson and is surprised to find him take a handful himself just as the trailers start.

They snark their way through the trailers, muttering in quiet voices about the terrible fight choreography and bad scripting, and Daisy opens the Red Vines, chews a strip of licorice, snuggles down further in her seat as the movie starts. This is  _fun_ , she's a little surprised to discover, and she just hopes Coulson is having fun too.

She doesn't expect the movie to make her so sad. But from the moment she sees Rey's life, sees her waiting for a family that's never coming back, she feels herself pushing back the emotion, taking careful deep breaths to try and hold it together. Then there's the old woman - _Maz_ \- and Rey, so afraid of what she might become, the power within her. Daisy feels a sob begin somewhere in her chest, get stuck in her throat, and then Maz says it: _the belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead_ , and Daisy loses it, bursts into embarrassingly loud tears, tries her best to weep quietly. She doesn't even have any tissues.

Coulson shifts in his seat, and then he's passing her a handkerchief, sliding his fingers hesitantly into hers and squeezing her hand just a little. His palm is warm against hers, his fingers a little gritty from popcorn salt and butter, and Daisy clutches him, clings to the contact, sniffles a little and wipes her eyes. Coulson doesn't let go for the rest of the movie.

 

+

 

When they get out, it's dark, early evening, and Daisy doesn't really feel like going back to the base just yet.

"You, uh, want to go get some dinner somewhere? Or a hot chocolate or something?" she asks, tosses away the empty soda and popcorn box.

"Dinner would be good," Coulson says, looks surprised to have said it. "Maybe a diner?"

"Sure," Daisy agrees. "Let me just... go wash my face, alright?" She ducks into the theater bathroom, presses a damp paper towel against her eyes, feels it cool against her slightly swollen skin. Her mascara's a bit of a mess, but she's not wearing any eyeliner, and after five minutes, she's feeling at least presentable enough for mac and cheese or maybe a burger at a diner somewhere.

"Feeling better?" Coulson asks when she comes out, and she nods, pulls her beanie back on, resists the urge to take his hand again. They find a diner, one that's maybe a little hipster but it still sells all the simple favorites, and Daisy decides she's going to treat herself, orders a vanilla shake with a shot of bourbon along with her mac and cheese.

"You can do that?" Coulson says, glances up at the waitress. "Okay, I- can I have your triple chocolate shake with a slug of whisky? Thanks. And a bacon cheeseburger."

"Living the wild life," Daisy teases when the waitress has gone, and Coulson rolls his eyes, sips his water. "Did you, uh... did you like the movie?"

"Yeah," Coulson says contemplatively. "Yeah. It was a lot more like the original trilogy than I expected. It was fun. Nostalgic."

"Oh, I bet you watched the originals, like, a million times, right?"

"No," Coulson says, looks a little teasing. "At least a billion." His eyes sparkle with the joke, his lips turning up at the corners. Daisy takes a breath with how much she's  _missed_ it.

"How's the team going?" he asks her as their milkshakes arrive, and Daisy takes a long sip before she answers, enjoys the sweet hit of vanilla and bourbon and nutmeg.

"They're good," she says honestly, "they're really good. Joey's doing well, he's my rockstar. Ever since he found out he's bullet-proof, he thinks he's unstoppable."

"He's bullet-proof?" Coulson asks curiously, and that leads to her telling him that bit of the mission, steering carefully clear of the rest of it, and by the time they've eaten their burgers, they're talking easily about other potential recruits, people Lincoln's working with to transition at the Cocoon.

"I think Yo-Yo is our best next pick," Daisy tells him, "she's come through transition incredibly well. Plus, it'd be nice to have another woman on the team." Coulson nods, drinks his half-finished milkshake, and Daisy eyes it. She's intrigued by the combination of whisky and chocolate, she isn't going to lie. "Hey," she says, "can I- uh, can I try that?"

"Oh!" he says. "Sure," and pushes it across the table to her. She swaps it with hers, and Coulson looks at the glass for a minute then leans in and takes a sip. "Hmm, it's good," he says. "I think I like mine better though."

"I like yours better too," Daisy teases, "I'm keeping it," and when Coulson actually starts a playful scuffle to reclaim it, she feels like her cheeks hurt from smiling.

 

+

 

After dinner they get back into Lola, and Daisy puts the key in the ignition but doesn't start the car, just flicks on the radio and finds a station playing blues music. 

"I like this song," Daisy says after a moment of silence, and Coulson nods.

"Solomon Burke," he says, and Daisy waits a beat, hums along.  _Don't ya feel like cryin', don't ya feel like cryin', well, here I am honey, c'mon, you cry to me._ Coulson smiles, clears his throat a little, glances sideways at her.

"I had a good time tonight," he tells her. "Thanks for inviting me out. I know I've been kind of..."

"Withdrawn?" Daisy suggests. "It's  _okay_ , Coulson, nobody's expecting you to act like nothing's happened. I'm just worried, is all. You're not talking to anyone about it, and that can't be healthy."

"No," he says, takes a deep breath. "I know. I know. Not yet, but I will, I promise. When I'm ready."

"Yeah," Daisy agrees. "I get it. It - it can take some time to process."

"Like you?" he asks, his voice soft, and Daisy swallows, nods.

"Yeah," she says. "Like me. I just-" She stops, frowns, and Coulson reaches out again, touches her hand where it's resting in her lap.

"You just what?" he says, and Daisy feels tears well up again at how tender he's being. The last time she talked about this, or tried to, he'd shut her down, closed her out, and Coulson taking the time to  _ask_ , it means more than she can say.

"I miss my mom," she chokes out, wipes her eyes. "I know you don't like talking about her, and I know she was a monster, and I shouldn't forgive her, and, and, your  _hand_ , Coulson." Coulson looks stricken, grabs her hand and holds it tight.

"Daisy," he says, "God, no, Daisy,  _no_ , you don't have to-"

"She's to blame," Daisy points out. " _I'm_ to blame."  _The rotten center of everything_ , she thinks, and it must show on her face, because Coulson cups her cheek with his palm the way he's done before, touches her tear tracks with gentle fingers.

"No," he tells her. "You're really not. And neither is your mom. HYDRA did this, Daisy, HYDRA took your mom apart. HYDRA - HYDRA killed Rosalind. It's not on us."

"You must miss her too," Daisy says before she can think better of it, and Coulson's breath hitches a little.

"Yeah," he agrees. "I do."

"We're both missing people," Daisy murmurs. "It  _hurts_ , Coulson, I thought- I thought I'd found my family, finally, and you know how long I waited, and then it all got taken away again. It feels like I'm always losing the people I love. When you went through that portal-" She stops herself just in time, just before she says what she knows she's felt for a long time now.  _I thought I'd lost you_ , she thinks anyway.  _Just another person I love, gone._

"Oh," he says, gazes at her, and she thinks he can probably see it anyway. " _Oh_. Daisy-" and his fingers slide from her cheek to the back of her neck, brushing through her hair, and he leans in, kisses her as if it's the only thing he can possibly do.

She kisses back. There's no question about it; Coulson is  _kissing her_ and kissing back is absolutely the only thing she can possibly do in response. His mouth is warm against hers, and when she parts her lips, drags her tongue across his lower lip, he moans, drags her in closer. The kiss deepens until they're licking into each other's mouths and clutching at each other like they can't let go. Coulson's fingers are tight in her hair, and when he grazes his teeth gently over her lip, nips her a little, she gasps, pulls back, trails kisses down his jaw until she reaches the delicate skin below his ear. It's too, too easy to bite, to set her teeth on his skin and suck until it bruises, and the  _noise_ Coulson makes sets Daisy's blood fizzing.

"Coulson," she breathes, "god,  _Phil_ ," and she can feel the heat building at her core. She just wants to be in his lap, to unbutton his ridiculously soft chambray shirt and get her hands on all his skin, to keep going until she can't tell where she ends and Phil begins.

"Oh," he says again, tugs her back for another kiss, and then her phone buzzes. "Emergency?" he murmurs against her mouth, and Daisy pauses, tries to consider what could have gone wrong back on base.

"It _could_ be?" she says, sighs, draws back. "I'd better check, just in case."

It's not an emergency. It's just Lincoln, texting to see what they're up to, and Daisy feels a knot form cold in her chest.

"Lincoln," Coulson guesses, and she swallows, nods.

"Lincoln," she agrees, and there's a long moment of silence. The windows are all steamed up, and she wants, more than anything,  _wants_ with something close to an ache, to keep kissing, to find out how far Coulson will let this go. "I-" she says eventually, takes a deep breath to try and clear her head. All she can smell is Coulson's cologne. "I need to... to resolve that."

"Resolve," Coulson repeats, questioning.

"Yeah," she says. "He's a good person, Coulson. I have to- to end it respectfully."

"Oh, thank god," Coulson gets out, pulls her back in, kisses her even harder. "Sorry," he says, kisses her again. "Sorry, I just- I know, we should wait, I just-"

"I want you  _so bad_ ," Daisy tells him frankly, disentangles herself from him with difficulty. "I've waited months, Coulson.  _Years_. And waiting like another week feels impossible right now."

"It'll create difficulties in your team," he says regretfully, traces the curve of her cheek. Daisy shrugs. It will, he's not wrong, but for Coulson touching her the way he is, for Coulson saying  _thank god_ and kissing her like he's desperate, she'd manage a lot of difficulties.

"Come on," she says, "we should get back before the team send out a search party."

"Yeah," Coulson says. "Okay. But-"

"But?" she asks.

"Can we go see Star Wars again tomorrow?" he says, almost shyly, and Daisy cracks up. "I just really liked it!" he says defensively, and she smiles, takes his hand, strokes her thumb over his knuckles.

"Yeah," she says. "Yeah, we can, Phil. As many times as you want."


End file.
